Dear Anonymous #1 (and no, "anonymous" is not symbolic for my future husband)
In light of recent comments to Sorry Guys, I've decided to write a response post. Before I begin, I just want to clear up any confusion about all the "marriage" posts. The posts for the month of July are dedicated to my future husband. It has been brought to my attention that I might have embarrassed myself by dedicating the month of July to my future husband; however, I just thought it was a clever way to make people laugh (and yes, AT me) while still being truthful in what I desire. Not all of the posts on my blog have or will center on this subject -- only the one's in the month of July. Okay, maybe every once in a while I'll relapse.
Now, to the meat of the post. I recently received a comment from an anonymous visitor (Anonymous #1 that is) that went exactly like this:
Have you considered that your blatant eagerness isn't very conducive to finding a spouse? As a guy (who, on record, does want to get married one day) I would be very leery dating someone who was so impatient about getting married. Are you not worried that in your enthusiasm you will make a poor choice that will effect your whole life, not to mention the lives of your spouse and children?
July 12, 2006 10:12 AM
First off, thanks for your concern Anonymous. I hope you come back to my blog and read this post because it's pretty much for you. I like to think of my blatant eagerness more as blatant honesty. But there is definitely eagerness or an excitement involved. For the longest time, I didn't want to get married, thought I would maybe marry in my mid 30s, I wanted to do the things I wanted to do without the hassle of someone else around. In hindsight, I was selfish and scared of marriage. I saw marriage as difficult and effortFUL, but I think mostly I was scared of exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities to someone else (who would then know and understand me so completely) that I no longer would have control. I was scared to love, anonymous. I know that sounds silly, everyone can love, right? Well, I have some issues and that was one of them. About two years ago, I came to the realization that I am capable of loving other people and capable of letting other people love me in return.
You say you want to get married "one day." Well, that "one day" is finally here for me. To discover this desire for marriage and family is a big deal for me. I'm impatient about it now because I realize I want it. It's like this digital camera I want. I know what it can do for me now (greatly improve my blog). A camera-less life is no longer one I want to have. I know what having a digital camera in my life means -- colorful, beautiful, 8 mega pixel images! No, I'm not really comparing finding a spouse to that of purchasing a camera (although, I must say it is not an easy task to pick out a digital camera these days).
It might be safe to say I'm a worrywart. I think about my choices and how they will affect my future life, spouse, kids, etc., all the time. Maybe the month of August will be dedicated to my future kids? As far as my enthusiasm, though, I'm enthusiastic about many things in life and so far this quality hasn't hindered my choices and ablilites. If I'm not enthusiastic about a decision -- say the person I'm going to marry -- then I would assume that's an indication that I probably shouldn't marry that person! My enthusiasm doesn't rule out rationalism, discernment, or any other decision-making abilities. I think choices we make in life don't have to always be stressed over in somber dark rooms. I think you can be happy about things and that's okay. Besides, if I meet a guy who is scared of my enthusiasm or life-long goals of marriage and kids, then I'll know he's not ready for marriage...or ME! I'm a handful, I know that.
I think I finally understand the divinity of marriage. Yes, marriage is difficult. My parents fight a lot. My mom sometimes says she wishes she didn't marry my dad. But they continue to improve their relationship and they stay together because they really do love each other. My mom also says she's glad she married my dad because of this, and that, and that. So I know marriage can even be, GASP, FUN!?! I suppose it is intriguing -- this "compulsive desire" of mine. It's as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, trust me! I must say that I like your use of the psychological word "compulsive" in your other comment. It's as if I'm a case study of abnormal human behavior in some Ivy League college class.
Anonymous, even if I don't end up getting married in my life (which I know I will, I just don't know when), I'm still glad that I'm able to come to this conclusion. Here's why: it means I'm growing. I'm finally seeing things a little more clearly and doing things despite my fears. So don't worry anonymouses out there. I'm a relatively big girl. I think things through, yet I trust my gut. I'm passionate, but can also bridle, ya know? Sometimes I try to be clever like when I dedicate posts to my future husband and they don't turn out to be that funny, but I promise I'll make a good choice in the spouse I pick. Still leery?
Now, how 'bout that date Anonymous?!? Eh?
:o)
Have at it commentators!
Now, to the meat of the post. I recently received a comment from an anonymous visitor (Anonymous #1 that is) that went exactly like this:
Have you considered that your blatant eagerness isn't very conducive to finding a spouse? As a guy (who, on record, does want to get married one day) I would be very leery dating someone who was so impatient about getting married. Are you not worried that in your enthusiasm you will make a poor choice that will effect your whole life, not to mention the lives of your spouse and children?
July 12, 2006 10:12 AM
First off, thanks for your concern Anonymous. I hope you come back to my blog and read this post because it's pretty much for you. I like to think of my blatant eagerness more as blatant honesty. But there is definitely eagerness or an excitement involved. For the longest time, I didn't want to get married, thought I would maybe marry in my mid 30s, I wanted to do the things I wanted to do without the hassle of someone else around. In hindsight, I was selfish and scared of marriage. I saw marriage as difficult and effortFUL, but I think mostly I was scared of exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities to someone else (who would then know and understand me so completely) that I no longer would have control. I was scared to love, anonymous. I know that sounds silly, everyone can love, right? Well, I have some issues and that was one of them. About two years ago, I came to the realization that I am capable of loving other people and capable of letting other people love me in return.
You say you want to get married "one day." Well, that "one day" is finally here for me. To discover this desire for marriage and family is a big deal for me. I'm impatient about it now because I realize I want it. It's like this digital camera I want. I know what it can do for me now (greatly improve my blog). A camera-less life is no longer one I want to have. I know what having a digital camera in my life means -- colorful, beautiful, 8 mega pixel images! No, I'm not really comparing finding a spouse to that of purchasing a camera (although, I must say it is not an easy task to pick out a digital camera these days).
It might be safe to say I'm a worrywart. I think about my choices and how they will affect my future life, spouse, kids, etc., all the time. Maybe the month of August will be dedicated to my future kids? As far as my enthusiasm, though, I'm enthusiastic about many things in life and so far this quality hasn't hindered my choices and ablilites. If I'm not enthusiastic about a decision -- say the person I'm going to marry -- then I would assume that's an indication that I probably shouldn't marry that person! My enthusiasm doesn't rule out rationalism, discernment, or any other decision-making abilities. I think choices we make in life don't have to always be stressed over in somber dark rooms. I think you can be happy about things and that's okay. Besides, if I meet a guy who is scared of my enthusiasm or life-long goals of marriage and kids, then I'll know he's not ready for marriage...or ME! I'm a handful, I know that.
I think I finally understand the divinity of marriage. Yes, marriage is difficult. My parents fight a lot. My mom sometimes says she wishes she didn't marry my dad. But they continue to improve their relationship and they stay together because they really do love each other. My mom also says she's glad she married my dad because of this, and that, and that. So I know marriage can even be, GASP, FUN!?! I suppose it is intriguing -- this "compulsive desire" of mine. It's as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, trust me! I must say that I like your use of the psychological word "compulsive" in your other comment. It's as if I'm a case study of abnormal human behavior in some Ivy League college class.
Anonymous, even if I don't end up getting married in my life (which I know I will, I just don't know when), I'm still glad that I'm able to come to this conclusion. Here's why: it means I'm growing. I'm finally seeing things a little more clearly and doing things despite my fears. So don't worry anonymouses out there. I'm a relatively big girl. I think things through, yet I trust my gut. I'm passionate, but can also bridle, ya know? Sometimes I try to be clever like when I dedicate posts to my future husband and they don't turn out to be that funny, but I promise I'll make a good choice in the spouse I pick. Still leery?
Now, how 'bout that date Anonymous?!? Eh?
:o)
Have at it commentators!
posted by Lexia at 2:53 PM
22 Comments:
Lexia, the anonymouses of the world obviously don't know your personality when stating that you don't think your decisions through. And compulsive? Obsessed? That's just ridiculous. Those of us that know you and read your blog (including the disclaimer that all of your July posts would be about your future husband) understand your humor.
And I think their statements all boil down to scared little boys that have been hurt in the past.
You are a highly intelligent, educated, independent, questioning individual. You make smart decisions with yourself and others in mind. You aren't a person that forces yourself onto others. You understand restraint.
Anyway, 23-years-old, pregnant, and almost divorced you are NOT. Because you aren't blind to the consequences of your decisions.
After reading the anonymous comments, I have to laugh. They are taking you WAY too seriously! I think your theme for July is very creative, honest and fun to read. Anyone that knows you Lexia, knows that you aren't going to rush into something like marriage. Of course you are excited but I know that you wouldn't let just anyone put a ring on your finger!
P.S. I really like your blog! :)
This post is fantastic, and Lauren's post is a wonderful additional rebuttal to pretty much everything the anonymous club was saying. This is why I read your blog!
I've seen more failed marriages than successful ones, both inside and outside of my family, but observing the successful ones has shown me that it was more than worth the risk.
I'm trying to imagine reading your posts and NOT realizing they were meant to be clever and funny, Lexia, and I simply cannot do it. Perhaps the anonymous who so vociferously attacked you, marriage and the Church's position on related matters simply lacks a sense of humor? Don't let them harsh your buzz, girl.
So, #6 on your list says:
"6. Isn't scared of me or the way I think"
I think we can successfully rule out both of the anonymous folks.
And I retract my statement about them being scared little boys, etc. But only because I feel bad about it. Because I really do think they're scared little boys, etc. (I just thought you were letting them off too easily.)
this is anon #2
sorry if i came across as harsh. i'm just worn out from all things church-related, *especially* marriage. I just wish that more LDS girls knew that they had the choice to get married or not, and when.
IMHO there's far too much pressure to get married, with no emphasis on to whom to get married or why, resulting in some bad situations.
oh btw
main()
{
cout << "Hello Lexia!";
return 0;
}
or if you're into obfuscated c:
the famous 1984 iocc winner
int i;main(){for(;i["] less-than i;++i){--i;}"];read('-'-'-',i+++"hell\
o, world!\n",'/'/'/'));}read(j,i,p){write(j/p+p,i---j,i/i);}
oh btw i'm far from a scared little boy, thanks much ;)
This is from the previous post's set of comments:
maybe the church as a whole needs to re-think things.
It's very interesting that I'm a girl who has grown up in the LDS church (I assume that's the one you're talking about, Anonymous #2), and I disagree with you wholeheartedly. Now, I obviously don't know you (and you won't really let us know you, anyway), but I'm wondering whether you have a good understanding of the LDS church's stance on the marriage commitment and women getting an education, etc. I have never heard any leader of the church say "Young Women, don't get an education. Expect perfection, and understand that with marriage, comes automatic happiness." In fact, they say the complete opposite.
I don't think it's very fair to attack the LDS church as adding to the "atrocity" of what happens to young girls, as you say. Even if Lexia is a naive girl -- though I don't think she is -- she does not represent the church as a whole. You're blanket statements about girls in the church lead me to think that YOU might have had some bad marriage experience that you're projecting onto other church members. YOU may have a misunderstanding of marriage -- don't put the misunderstanding on the rest of us.
hey hey now, don't underestimate my knowledge of the LDS church. talks of hurrying marriage along and popping out babies aren't heard so much from the typical sacrament meeting, but given at talks like this.
or from the words of MANY MANY MANY MPs to returning missionaries:
"your new mission is to find a wife in the next 6 months!"
trust me, i've heard it ;)
Yes, there are exceptions, but I assumed you knew what I was talking about. But I can see now that you don't fully understand the doctrine of the church, and as such, there really is no point for rebuttals anymore.
Hey, don't you guys know about the technology called Site Meter? You're not as anonymous as you think.
lexia, you're a really good person. i'm glad to have known you.
-kelly (sara's friend from high school).
There's a big difference between "putting something off" (implying a conscious decision to postpone marriage, whether or not the right opportunity presents itself) and waiting for the right time/person.
The Church addresses practical matters, but when it comes to moral/religious responsibilities we emphasize pursuit of the ideal. We're urged to be perfect like the Lord and our Father in Heaven, but we know that goal is a LONG TERM one; we won't reach it here and now, so we put forth our best efforts and then accept the limitations that are placed on us. Likewise, we believe the creation of a good family and a happy marriage where/when possible are moral responsibilities and priviliges, but we are taught to have contingency plans in the event that we never have those priviliges in this life. In fact, the Church leaders have repeatedly encouraged young women (and men) to NOT just expect marriage. Girls and women are urged to get a real education, get applicable real-world skills, and continue pursuing education throughout their lives (even while "popping out babies"). We are all expected to plan for the worst and work for the best.
It's also important to remember that the Mormon "culture" and the LDS Church proper are two entirely different things.
Hi Kelly! I saw your new house on your blog -- it's so nice! I'm of course jealous. I'm glad I know you as well. Please tell Heather hi for me. How is she? Sometimes I reconsider my career goals because I think of something Heather mentioned to me in high school -- that I should be a fashion designer. She probably has no idea how much that comment has had an effect on me. :o)
As for the rest of you --
YOWZAHS!!! I love how controversial my blog is at the moment. I love that you guys are responding. Let's face it, I love you guys. Will you guys marry me?
Oh, and I prefer recreational obfuscation. Check this out:
http://uucode.com/obf/gandalf/c.html
dear lexia,
i love you so much and I am so grateful for the person you are.
keep on truckin',
anonymous number three
Okay. I'm officially retracting the "scared little boy" statement. For good. Sorry.
Hey, it seems to have been accurate in the first case.
And maybe Anonymous 3 IS scared...scared of having his passionate love of Lexia made public knowledge?
Wow... you c-philes really need to learn the obfuscutory joys of Perl regular expressions.
This is a crusty bit, but
/(b{2}|[^b]{2})/
I'll take the first... but I'm into that whole thousand natural shocks thing.
And sure, you can get the same in c, but why limit yourself to just one language or syntax when there's a whole world out there to savor?
Sorry, I commented in the wrong post. You can delete the other one.
I hope you come back to my blog and read this post because it's pretty much for you.
Wow, I get a whole post! Thank you! (I'm not being sarcastic btw, I really do feel privileged)
I'm not trying to hide behind my anonymity. The reason I've posted as anonymous was that I don't have a blogspot account and I have only just recently noticed the "Other" option. Plus, we don't know each other, so I thought that it wouldn't really matter one way or the other. My name is Madison, and I found your site through your sister's blog, if you are interested.
My intention wasn't to start a flame war. It's true that I've been hurt in relationships (Thank you Lauren for bringing sore subjects up ;) But, I'm a better person because of it. If I would have run headlong into marriage it would have been an ugly divorce instead of a ghastly break up.
I've had many friends, mostly female, get hurt because they wanted to be married so much that they were blinded. But, as Lindsey points out, I don't know you, nor do I, like Anonymous #2, know much about the Mormon church. So, maybe I'm being unfair.
Please accept my apologies if I offended you in any way. I was not trying to vociferously attack you, nor harsh your buzz. I quite like your buzz, I hope it keeps doing its thing.
As Charlie Brown said,
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like love."
Now, how 'bout that date Anonymous?!? Eh?
Date? Me? I'm afraid that I don't fit 2, 8, 9, or 15, and although I like to keep a clean bathroom, I can't say I'm highly interested in it.
(I said I was sorry. Gosh.) :)
Dude...like, woah...
And the "vociferous" comment was directed towards A#2.
I don't know what to say except that I am a shallow blogger. I like short blog posts and comments. This is all very serious not like the witty, smart, funny posts and banter I am used to. I am officially closing this thread. No more comments...Anon, no comments....
(btw I don't proofread, which is another reason I consider myself a shallow blogger)!
Sorry if this came up twice!
Comment CITY!!!!
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