Confession #6
Being lonely is sometimes hard; especially when you don't want to be.
posted by Lexia at 1:16 PM
7.14.2006
Being lonely is sometimes hard; especially when you don't want to be.
About Me
- Name: Lexia
I like stuff most people like. I'm addicted to chocolate, funny people, and the guitar. I love to figure out why and how things work.
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18 Comments:
You're farming some 100% free-range truth there, Lexia.
I feel ya, Snow. But as my good friend Henry (Thoreau) says, 'I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude." Maybe this is a good time for you to enjoy your independence and to really get to know yourself. Or maybe this is all just ramblings and I should really go back to making buffers and stop reading people's blogs. At least you'll be lonely on the beach tomorrow!
No disrespect to Mr. Thoreau, but "I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude," just seems like something a lonely individual would say to feel better.
Even lonely cat ladies have cats.
Well aren't we trying to make a self-proclaimed lonely person feel better? If it worked for Henry, it could work for the rest of us. Or I could just leave the philosophizing to the rest of you and follow more, um, quantitative pursuits. Clearly I am crap at this commenting thing.
ps I bet there were cats in Walden.
The Thoreau quote is a great one, but Lexia does not seem to be of old Hank's bent. What we need are people to surround Lexia and make her feel loved, appreciated and understood. Or maybe just one person.
Any takers?
Mr. Fallon?
My mom tried to feed me this crap last night on the phone about how being an empty nester is more lonely than being single because they greatest times of your life (parenting) are gone. Its like having your prized posession ripped from your hands and rejoining lonliness with mocking memories. It told her to take up quilting. There's a chance I'm insensitive.
Funny Jaymoo or Stephoin. I see what she's saying. It's like having loved and lost as opposed to being lost the entire time and never having loved. Maybe they're equally as difficult and that's how young people can connect with old people -- through our lostness. Blah, blah, blah...
Whatever the case may be, I absolutely hate it when married people say, "Take advantage of this time. It's a great time! You have so many options . . ."
OPTIONS THIS! I don't want options. I want one option -- singular. And in 20 years, I don't want to be in the position in marriage to say something like, "Hey, right now you have options," as if it's too bad that I'm married to this person because I feel completely tied down and unhappy.
Sure, you can't just "pick up and go" when you're married. But it's all worth it if you find a right person for you.
And that's my small rant on that.
Yeah, but you can be lonely even if you're with someone. Even if you're married and have five kids. Which is why I think we have to be at least semi-content with ourselves. By ourselves.
Loneliness is tricky. Sneaks up on you in the least suspected times. Like, for example, when you're driving late at night on country roads while listening to Elliot Smith. (NOT a good idea.)
And I agree with Sara. Sometimes too many options can be pretty paralyzing. But I'm still glad I have 'em.
I agree with Sara. But Lauren makes a very good point.
I suppose, ideally, your relationship with your spouse should help you become more comfortable with yourself. That's why you need to find someone who's loving and supportive, rather than a domineering bully or a hypercritical nag. You should build each other up, help each other grow, and help each other see your inherent worth. Something like that.
Also, I think empty-nest syndrome is often a result of one or the other or both parents investing too much in the children, and neglecting their own relationship with each other.
I don't think that your assessment of the empty-nest syndrome is that dead-on, Ian. I mean, yeah, sometimes that's the case. But I think it's more that you have invested so much love and time and interest in other people. And all of the sudden you feel that you aren't as needed as you had been in the past.
Mulcock bros, I think our parents should be pals and play shuffleboard together. And my mom quilts, so if your mom needs any pointers...
Lauren and Ian: I think you are both right about the empty-nest thing. Although I do think Ian is a bit more right. I think the closer the parents have kept their own relationship, the easier it will be for them to have an empty house.
I think the whole "feeling needed" thing is more pronounced when the kids are gone, and one of the parents dies or they get divorced.
And because I'm a family relations expert and have actually been married . . . :)
Lauren: I wasn't trying to argue that such is always the case. I think there are many contributing factors. But I do think that it is often a major part of the problem. I guess Sara's synthesis of our two perspectives sounds about right.
Sara: The "feeling needed" thing might also explain why elderly men frequently die soon after the death of their spouse...
Lexia all I can say is "Take advantage of this time. It's a great time! You have so many options . . ."
Um, I always come late to comment, but here it goes anyway: My hostparents (parents of the family I've lived with for four years) tell me this "Take advantage of this time. It's a great time! You have so many options . . ." every time I go on a strike about the whole silly dating thing and vow to never, ever try it again. Then they go on that you can feel pretty stuck with things later on in life--like a job that's not all that fulfilling and a family that takes up all of your time. I don't know to me that makes sense in a way, but sounds way selfish. You feel stuck with the person you chose to commit to for life (and beyond if you're Mormon like some of us) and with the children you (hopefully) planned and welcomed??? Well, you better get that out of your system, because they need you and if they notice that's how you feel, you'll have a bunch of small, broken hearts!! Stuck with a job--that makes sense: I can already sense that growing up in that regard really stinks. But then you're gonna have to invest some energy on being positive. And right now I feel stuck with floating aimlessly. That's not only stuck, it's stuck and insecurely so. Hm, we should be a support group...
I also am stuck floating aimlessly.
If you do organize a support group, I promise to bring the refreshments if you'll let me in...
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